Ah wells 2nd post.

Kinda lookin' forward to UNSTOPPABLE which starts on friday. I really want to reap the greatest harvest I can possibly reap in these 4 days.

I need to learn to overcome my fear. I haven't been doing anything confidently ever since that fateful day? I need to overcome this fear within me. Standing up once more and going all out - and not fearing about the results or consequences......I've yet to exhibit that risk again since that day. March 15th is a cursed day. Screw it. 2 years is enough? I need to stop fearing about losing and thus not putting in the effort I am supposed to put in in fear of losing another time.

I need to learn to forgive. All these hurt within me, all these immeasurable agonies all rooted from my unforgiving spirit - especially not forgiving myself. Time to let go huh? Why cling on to something that would only bring about negativeness and no good at all?

I realized that my walk in music had brought me all the different tastes of life - at its extreme ends. My close relationships with the teachers I loved, and yet betrayal from one. Putting music in the first place of my life had also been a disastrous decision - I lost all I had, gambled it all off. God's grace I had something left. My pride in many things as well - my wonderful musical lineages and the opportunities to work with the greatest musicians in the region - had led me into great delusions. Masquerading around that I may feel better, all for the sake of music? Sure, I've experienced my greatest joys through music, yet I have also experienced my greatest defeats and pains in music. What is this art? What is it doing to me? Or does the problem lie within me - that I was pursuing it for my own sake, instead of the true purpose that this gift was intended to be?
Although music had hurt me deeply, I never regretting falling in love with music. Whatever that I had experienced simply cannot be explained in words, for each experience is engraved within my soul.
Yet I must admit that music had drove me into depression. for 2 whole years. and I'm probably still swimming within my sorrows which seemed too great for me to bear. I have no idea how I managed to survive and still stand up straight today. For such pains had left their scars on my soul and probably, they would never heal. But the fact that I am still alive and kicking and functioning fine - demands only one possible explanation. Without you, I won't be here today. Thank you for being there, every moment I needed you.

Overcome - this word shall be my objective for UNSTOPPABLE.
I need to stand up once more, and stop rubbishing around. There's a time to emo and stuff, but there is a time to move on and stop all these rubbish.

Overcome is also the title of a song by Desperation Band. The story behind the song had touched me, and I realized that I am in a similar situation myself. overcome, overcame, and letting this come to past...

UNSTOPPABLE HERE ME COMES.

my name is neek and i like sheepyyy
I hope to fly one day so I can drop down from the sky and eat people. I think it can actually work =)

music perhaps?






my beloved
sandwich :)
joanna
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